February 6th 2022 - 7:19pm

 feeling stress is normal right. i talked to my sister last night after a long 2/3 weeks of cold and silent argument yet somehow this stress feeling never bother to go away. After a stressfull week having many argumehnt in my head  bout my sister now i'm back to overthink and struggling to lose weight. WHY THE HECK CANT I JUST LOVE MYSLEF. im so tired. im a student who works her ass off to earn money and buy healthy food, pay for gym pay for her skincare and still know she's gonna die someday.Wanting to buy an ipad but then think i should save more and buy a car then think im not yet ready for the commitment. Wanting to buy a gold bracelet then think i should save and save and save and use it for better purpose. DESPITE THE SCARE FEELING OF WASTING MY MONEY I HAVE'NT KEEP MY MONEY THAT MUCH AND USE IT ON OTHER. why am i let myself treat myself like this when all i want is to be happy but i am not! HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I DO TO BE HAPPY WITH WHAT I HAVE??? GRATEFUL?? BUT HOWWW?  I TRY TO FOLLOW WHAT THE MEDIA TOLD ME TO DO TO BE HAPPY, FOCUS ON MYSELF, EAT CLEAN GOOD FOOD LOSE VWEIGHT.. I DID I DID I DID AND WHAT NOW?? WHY AM I NOT HAPPY. I AM MENTALLY EXHAUSTED. WANTING TO SUCCESS BUT TO LAZY TO STUDY WANTING TO STUDY BUT ALSO WANT TO SLEEP. WANTING TO LOSE WEIGHT BUT KEEP HOLDING MYSLEF FROM GOING TO GYM NOR RUNNING. WHAT HAPPEN TO ME. FUJCK I HATE TISSS